Clothing For Your Lawn Goose

 

Those people (American) who have chosen to eschew the Garden Gnome option more traditional for the British, can have geese on their lawns. Or nestling in their shrubberies. Or peeping out from behind labernums. And if they decide that their ceramic/cement/plastic fowl should be dressed up, according to the seasons/whimsy, they need look no further than the internet. And pages which stock products such as these:

 

 

Hollow PlasticGoose- 24 inches Tall - $20

Baby Goose, cement - $17

 

ALSO AVAILABLE:

Braids - $6

Hair Roller Wig - $6

Sunglasses - $1.50

Wire Glasses - $1.50

 

 

Winter Come Summer

 

 

111. Winter Muff (made with arms) - $22 (for that Cruella de Vil look)

2. Crotchet Hat & Scarf - $11 (if you can’t knit, we’ll do it for you)

3. Valentine - $16 (bringing Christian saints alive in your yard)

4. Cupid - $24 (as he appears to some Greek geese)

5. Frilly Valentine - $22 (for the post-operation romantic geese)

 

 

Spring Specials

 

 

6. Mrs. St. Patrick - $20 (known for her husband & attractive bonnets, was Mrs. St.)

7. Mr. St. Patrick - $20 (to help you celebrate March 17th just as the Irish do)

8. St. Patrick Frilly - $22 (traditional Celtic garb, for the dressier Saint)

9. Mr. Easter Bunny (made with arms) - $24 (cross-dress for Our Lord’s resurrection)

10. Mrs. Easter Bunny (made with arms) - $24 (wear satin ears for Our Lord’s resurrection)

 

 

Getting Married

 

 

16. Lacey Dress (made with arms) - $21 (for the fuschia bridesmaid in all of us)

17. Simple Bride (made with arms) - $22 (in a doily)

18. Man's Suit - $22 (for wedding receptions or punting)

19. Fancy Bride (made with arms) - $39 (the cheapest wedding dress you’ll ever buy)

20. Tuxedo - $22 (for those charity balls)

 

 

Thanksgiving

(Celebrate The Way The Pilgrims Did… If The Indians Had Been Geese)

 

 

36. Mr. Pilgrim (made with vinyl) - $20 (wipe clean pilgrim clothing)

37. Mrs. Pilgrim (made with vinyl) - $20 (mmm, shiny Puritans)

38. Turkey - $22 sidling away from pilgrims an optional stance)

39. Indian Boy - $20 (in the traditional generic garb)

40. Indian Girl - $20 (Madonna’s new look*)

 

* as I write that, it’s ironic… but who knows, by the time you read this…

 

 

Sacrilegious Christmas Fun

 

 

41. Mrs. Santa (made with vinyl) - $20 (it’s holly, not bat-wings)

42. Santa (made with vinyl) - $20 (mmm, beards on geese look sooo sexy)

43. Christmas Frilly - $22 (nothing says Seasons Greetings like a giant head-ruff)

44. Rudolph - $22 (NOT a robin… and they’re antlers, not batwings)

45. Angel (made with arms)- $23 (just like Gabriel, but with a beak)

 

 

Lovely Ladies

 

 

51. Housework Makes Me Ugly (made with arms) - $20 (for those ugly housewife friends)

52. Shopping's My Bag (made with arms) - $21 (for those sou-wester lovers)

52. Pregnant - $20 (expecting, and therefore dressing like a pair of curtains)

54. Housecoat/Cup (made with arms)- $20 (Vera Gooseworth! Ahahaha…)

 

Somewhat alarmingly, this is only one of ten companies who cater for the WhoWantsToClotheTheirLawnGoose? Market.

I haven’t checked them all out. But I’m fairly comfortable in presuming that most of them don’t refer to wings as ‘arms’. Or have fundamental Christians using their Design page to talk about how much Jesus loves ya baby.

 

 

 

Last revised: 14/08/01